Saturday, March 16, 2019

Astrology- How I Deal With Anxiety

Only a few select people know this, but I have extreme anxiety and I have battled with it my whole life. My life has been anything but normal. Before two years old, I was pronouncing words from the phone book effortlessly. When I was four years old, I was utilizing a chair and climbing on it in order to turn the TV on, without a remote. I always turned on the right channel without seeing the numbers on the cable box because of memorizing where all the numbers were. When I first saw the TV show Beavis and Butthead at 8 years old (my mom actually let me watch it when I was curious about the show, all because of the name "Butthead"), all the toilet jokes got past me easily because I thought of "wiener" as a hot dog and "wood" as just that, wood, for example. When I was in third grade, my teacher didn't even bother giving me the spelling test reviews as I spelled every word effortlessly. In high school, I often figured out how the teachers graded and put in more effort with the teachers who didn't give me full credit just for completing the assignment (manipulative, but I was a teenager who would find any shortcut that would allow him to live more of the day the way he wanted!). When I was 16, I got lost in a mosh pit at a concert in San Bernardino, and couldn't find my friends for the rest of the show, and ended up walking throughout some of the city's worst neighborhoods in the middle of the night, and ended up back to his house okay through my knowledge of maps and street smarts. And in 2009, when I was in college and struggling with a class, I dropped it the same way I dropped a class two years before only this time I ended up with a fine I couldn't pay off at the time. This event made me feel like I just existed with no real purpose for around four years. When I was in college, I was unsure as to what I wanted to do with my life, so I just went to community college because it was what I was "supposed to do" in society, and maybe I'd find my true passion there. I never did, and in from 2010-2013 I was feeling confused with no idea of what I wanted to do, so basically I had a VERY young identity crisis. In late 2013, however, that all changed.

Throughout that four year "down time", I watched a lot of sports and crime documentaries. One of my favorites was a show called "Disappeared" on Investigation Discovery. The show detailed the final moments where missing people were seen, as well as when they went missing, and around 90% of the time, the answers as to why they went missing never came. As my natural curious self, I looked at many websites trying to find answers, and got absolutely nowhere. In my last ditch effort, I looked at two places I never thought I'd consider: A tarot card reader and an astrologer. The cases from Disappeared were all featured on at least one of these sites, and the info given by the tarot reader and astrologer was the exact same. They also closely matched what I thought happened to these people, and instantly I became intrigued.

I then started practicing astrology, but for different reasons than the majority, as I just wanted to figure out what happened to these people! I became even more intrigued, and then started researching people's political ideologies in their charts, then predicting the outcomes of sporting events in astrology. I was starting to actually BELIEVE it. Then came the final test: my own birth chart. I have a copy of my birth certificate, so I was able to cast an accurate birth chart. Was it accurate?

YES.

In my birth chart, my ascendant is in Virgo, which makes a ton of sense as I've always been extremely self critical of myself and an extreme worry wart, to the point where my hair has began thinning at age 30! I have also always noticed the small details that the vast majority of people overlook, which is a very Virgoan trait. My Sun is in Gemini, and in the 9th house, which also brings to the table extreme intellectualism and a major interest in other cultures, sometimes even moreso than my own! My Moon is in Scorpio, conjunct Pluto, and in the 2nd house, which explains why I don't have the reputation of many Geminis of being disloyal. In fact, I'm probably the one you can trust your secrets with the most out of anyone. This placement also explains why I can handle intense experiences without even blinking an eye, though it does produce a temper when I'm provoked, which is quite hard to do. For the personal planets, my Mercury and Venus are also in Gemini, adding to the intellectualism and how I'm more detached in love, as just looks is never enough for me, since you're going to be living with that person for the rest of your life, which means conversation will take place, and interesting conversation is very appealing to me. My Mars is in Pisces, which isn't the best placement as it gives me a somewhat lazy side to me, though it does explain how I daydream a LOT. For the outer planets, my Jupiter is in Taurus, which explains how the "good life" appeals to me, and it is in the 9th house, which is also its own house, which explains my interest in foreign cultures even more and also explains how I've been lucky in many ways, such as having no serious injuries yet. Saturn is in Capricorn, and in the 4th house with Uranus and Neptune, opposing Mercury and Venus. This perfectly explains the identity crisis I had when I was younger, how I don't feel like I'm related to anyone in my family although I wasn't adopted, and how I'm very detached and often have "walls" up when meeting people (the Virgo ascendant also has something to do with this), though the experiences I've had since 2015 have made this not nearly the issue it used to be when I was younger. In a way, I found out that I wasn't "alien" and was MEANT to be this way and have these experiences. Right now, I'm fairly certain that my college days ended that way because I was just going down the wrong path, that wouldn't give me a sense of purpose. I was SUPPOSED to be different than the majority, and SUPPOSED to be the progressive rebel that I am today.

When I was a little kid, me and my mom lived with my grandma, who was a Lutheran. We went to church with her every Sunday until my mom moved out shortly before I was six, when we stopped going to church because my mom didn't think it was necessary to go to church to be a good Christian. Afterwards, the only time I've ever been to church was with my best friend and his wife, who are evangelicals. The message preached there never "felt right", as I just knew there had to be something more out there. I never knew what that was until I began practicing astrology. My birth chart describes me perfectly, as well as the people I know, so if astrology was a tool made by Satan as most Christians say, then wouldn't that mean that Satan created us instead of God? That thought just doesn't sit right with me...

It's now been over 5 years since I started practicing astrology, and now I'm at the point where I feel I can do a solid job of reading other people's birth charts for them. The fear of being inaccurate is the only reason I haven't become a practicing astrologer for money yet, as the Virgo ascendant in me just doesn't want to risk getting something as important as this wrong, as the natal chart and its transits ARE the person's life, and my ethical nature just won't allow me to become your stereotypical astrologer or reader and take your money while giving an inaccurate or half hearted reading. Taking advantage of people for a quick buck is extremely immoral and reprehensible, and unfortunately there are FAR too many people out there who are willing to do just that, in the name of greed. Through astrology, I realized that my role in life is to be the complete opposite of that. Just knowing my purpose has done a lot in lessening my anxiety, though it is still prevalent in certain situations.

The blogs that got me into astrology:

https://empathysinsights.blogspot.com/
https://forensicastrology.blogspot.com/

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